Tree Redux

What is behind?

A continuation of my tree update. Yesterday I was doing a whole mess of gardening. The first chance I’ve had since we moved in, and none too soon. The garden is well planted but truly neglected. A mess of weeds needs a mess of gardening and creates a mess of organic yuck. As I took the second barrow load of stuff to the pile at the back of the property I kept my eyes on the ground because there are branches and ankle-breaking spots all over the place. Yes, I have my work cut out for me. But after dumping the second load I turned and had my eyes up. For the first time I saw my Cubist/Brutalist tree from behind and I was stopped in my tracks. I saw this:

The entire trunk of the tree is hollow. A gaping maw has been open to the elements for a very very long time. Everything that used to be the center of this tree has broken down to what looks like really rich loam at the bottom of the gash. Looking up the rest of the trunk, such as it is, there’s a distinct impression that this tree was struck by lightning.

As I said when I first described this tree to you it has no business being able to sprout anything close to foliage, and yet there they are. Leaves.

Whatever this tree makes you think of, the main thing it screams to me is Grief. Where everyone sees the tree it looks like the trunk is whole. The impression is of obvious damage but a strength to carry on. But in the back, hidden from view there’s a hole and the insides are a cave. Everything that once went into this tree’s Tree-ness has disintegrated.

Feeling the loss of someone or something that is dead, gone, lost to you can leave this kind of empty space. What are the holes and voids grief has found in your life, in your heart? How do you keep pushing out leaves?