The Next Fold of the Future
Inspiration from Walt Whitman
It’s a hazard of my chosen (or chosen by) field that I tend to see Death just about everywhere.
In Song of Myself, 51 Walt Whitman wrote:
The past and the present wilt - I have fill’d them, emptied them.
And proceed to fill my next fold of the future.
While I note the forward looking thrust of this quote, I did find inspiration for how I look at the end of life.
The past and the present are not what I’m focused on. They have been filled up and they’ve been emptied - they are complete. What’s not complete is what’s to come.
When I’m facing the end of my life, whether soon or in the distance, I’m very aware that all of life is finite. I’m not afraid of death and that ending, but looking ahead into what is not yet complete, there may be only a few folds left. How does this perspective change how I choose to fill those folds?
I see the folds of life as curving and rippling up and down. At some points there are great highs and other times really low spots. Just like life, the folds are not linear. How boring would it be if all my life was flat and the same? In my mind's eye the folds move like ocean waves but they aren’t water, they are made of crisp paper. When I hit rough patches the paper is crumpled and has to be smoothed out a bit before I get much further.
Photo Pixabay on pexels.com
What am I in relation to this paper? At the moment I feel like I’m the pen. A fountain pen with a beautiful nib leading the ink across the page. The sound of the nib on the paper is delicious. The color of the ink changes with the days and years, because that’s actually how I write myself - with a selection of bright colored pens I use to express my feelings and keep my life somewhat organized (on paper anyway.)
If I’m looking toward death it does not have to be with a sense of loss alone. Looking ahead across the final folds I also have possibilities. Not possibilities for redemption from death but rather for how I want to be. How will I fill that space? I have a choice and am not at the mercy of the future. I have a sense of agency, and with that can come acceptance and hope.
This perspective is not for everyone, and there’s no wrong way to die and grieve. Each of us has our own unique way of moving through life and loss. When I’m working with someone my own perspective and personal choices don’t enter my work. As a doula my role is to be with that person as they take their own journey and hold their hand and listen deeply to the questions and feelings they have. Because my own perspective looks forward, when appropriate I can offer that as an alternative to feeling stuck. Perhaps their questions can morph from “Why this?” or “How can I ever?” into “What if?” and “Then what?”
Does this way of looking forward toward the next fold of the future at the end of life speak to you? Does it open new thoughts about your finite life? Does it fly in the face of how you approach your future? I’m interested to know!
With this post I’m adding an opportunity to support the work I do with Good Heart Companion. When you donate to my monthly fundraiser you allow me to not only support the work I do, but you allow me to provide more hours pro bono for folks who otherwise would not be able to easily get the support they need and that I can provide. Thanks for your encouragement!