Don't Fill The Silence

What comes up in the spaces?

People who listen can seem to be hard to find. Sure, we listen, but how often are we doing only one thing at a time? Our brains work on many tracks at once. I’ve often found my own thought patterns to be like having several computer windows open with numerous tabs on each. Even when I make all the tabs on a window about the same thing, there are too many, and I lose track.

When I’m holding space with someone I’m focusing on them, what they’re saying and how they’re saying it. Their body language and expressions tell me as much as their actual words do.

The human tendency is to want to fill silences. The thing about silence though is that it is space. When I let the silence be there, and be okay, that space can sometimes be filled. Something that the person I’m with didn’t even realize was there can bubble up. It first occurs to them, and then perhaps comes out in words, or a sigh, or tears, or a grin or giggle. Unexpected stuff lives in the silence between what we say.

Photo Marcus Winkler on pexels.com

For me as a listener one of my tools is knowing my own stuff, and letting it take a back seat in favor of my listening and focus on the one I’m holding space for. (See my previous post Setting It Aside ) A favorite acronym for me is W.A.I.T. Why Am I Talking? That little question is so useful as I keep my listening focused and determine what does or doesn’t warrant a share in that moment.

How do you feel when silence shows up? What might you discover if you don’t fill it up? Does thinking about this make you want to experiment with seeing what silence reveals with others? What might not filling your own silence reveal?